Bahasa Melayu/Malaysia.

Let's imagine, shall we?

You are married.

It's a normal marriage. The man married in his late 20s, early 30s. The bride is of the same age, if not slightly younger. It's a straight marriage in which you marry one of the opposite sex. It's a marriage based on mutual love, affection and decision of spending the rest of your lives with one another - not a marriage yang macam you go home one day and your mother sits you down and says, "Ahmad.., you've reached that point in life where you should take the next logical step. (Cheekily) And anak dara Pak Mat tu baik orangnya. Dahla lawa, pandai masak pulak tu". (Pak Mat's daughter is a fine maiden. She's pretty and she can cook.) No. Not an arranged marriage because Lat has addressed this in his 70s or was that 80s book entitled 'Mat Som' by telling his mother "zaman mikrocip sekarang ni mana ada orang kawin paksa" (in this microchip age, nobody has an arranged marriage).

It's a normal marriage. One which produces children. One which witnesses arguments, disagreements, disappointments, and fights. One which witnesses the beauty of love and of living together as a family.

A normal marriage where you complete each other and your worlds revolve around each other. Your major decisions are influenced by one another.

Are you with me? Imagine it properly.

One day, your spouse does something terrible that shakes the very foundation of your marriage. One that is bound to freak you out as well as everyone else related to you. I'll speak in the first person now. My wife did something terrible like quitting Islam or having an affair or doing whatever that is usually the cause for splits and seperations and ultimately divorce.

But of course I couldn't divorce her. We have kids, remember? I know many kids with broken homes and I don't fancy the life they lead. Yes, I respect them for being strong individuals but I ask every single one of you, if you had a choice, would you let that happen to your child? I won't. Or at least I'd try my best not to let that happen. I don't want my child to have to face downwards, lose his/her smile and grimly say "my parents are divorced". Ever. So now the marriage is tainted in that the only thing that's binding us together is the blood ties through the children.

And here's the thing that fucks everything up ever worse. I go see her parents. Her PARENTS. And what do they say? I'm a Muslim and they go and say something like "oh... She's a Catholic? Apsal tak tukar Protestant? (why doesn't she convert to a Protestant?) Why didn't she look into Scientology or something?" or even "she's sleeping with that guy? Anak Tan Sri tu kan interested in her? (That Lord's son is interested in her!) Can naikkan (increase) her reputation what?".

And then everyone else says acts as if nothing has happened.

Right now you may be thinking any of the following:

+ "Where did you get this idea, wei? Kau nak ke rumahtangga kau jadi camni nanti?" (You want your household to be like this?)

+ "Apasal perempuan tu jahat gila, tapi kau macamla baik sangat?" (Why is teh girl so evil, and you so angelic?) if you are a girl.

+ "You've got issues"

Everyone else spoke Malay, so of course I wanted to jugak - a consensual marriage.

A marriage with fights and arguments and disagreements - I say things like "nanti aku call kau" (I'll call you later).

A marriage that produces chidren - think of the things you can do with BM and how life in Malaysia would be without it.

My wife did something terrible like adultery - BM uses words like 'famili' when there's already 'keluarga'. 'She' wants another man when padahal she gets the same thing.

Her parents don't think it's bad enough, and they want it worse - Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka (the Language and Publications Hall, akin to Bank of English) do nothing about the deteriorating standards but introduce (or rather steal) words like 'infotainmen' and 'bajet'.

Like it or not, Malay is the way things are done here in Malaysia. Di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung. I will continue to speak, write and spell in Malay correctly and in proper tatabahasa. But at the rate of word-borrowing, you begin to lose the language's identity. It's like globalization of the language. Sure English borrows, too. Three Malay words have been adopted - sarong, parang and amok (amuk). There are also some from French like coup d'etat or repondez s'il vous plait. But those French phrases are the used in any other language anyway.

The Way I See it, BM is nothing more to me than a disappointing spouse